Motherhood has been a blessing so far and every day we are learning new things together. I enjoy testing out different baby products and doing reviews of the products. It is fun to see her reaction to new things I expose her to. I am working on going back to school next semester to get my Masters in Higher Education. I thank God for a great support system that has been there every step of the way. Best advice to give a new mother “Know You’re Doing Amazing”.
Let’s be honest, we all want to believe in the fairytales that we once read as young girls exist once we get older. We fall in love with the idea that we must go to college, get a dream job, marry that perfect husband, become the perfect wife, buy the dream home, and start a family. We are programmed to believe that’s what society wants for us. That’s the goals we should strive for and when this mythical list doesn’t pan out accordingly we lose hope and start to question why isn’t our life going well.
I too was once a believer of that fairytale love and lifestyle. But let’s face it REALITY hits us all. For some those dreams and fairytales do come true but for the vast majority of us everything won’t go as planned.
I remember the exact day I found out I was pregnant. I was doing my usual routine which involved going to a local bar after work on a Friday to meet with friends, have a fish fry and a few drinks. That particular day my friend noticed I wasn’t guzzling down my usual alcoholic beverage but I made several stops to the bathroom. All I heard was “Girl you must be pregnant.” You’re glowing and you’re not even drinking!” I laughed it off and attempted very hard to finish the drink in my cup. Came home took a pregnancy test and let’s just say the rest is history. I thought “Damn Ashleigh is having a baby!”
I was 30 and was in no way prepared to be a MOTHER. I was out of an almost 8 year relationship so I was dating and mingling and just knew 2019 was going to be my year to SHINE. The thought of being a mother intrigued me but also made me nervous. I couldn’t imagine having to raise a child when my life was not where I wanted it to be. I was 30 and living at home with my mother, I got laid off from my job (mentoring at a high school) and my Nana passed away all around the same time. I was struggling financially and mentally. I was in a new relationship and trying to make things work because we were having a kid together. I also was worried about what “people” might think once they knew I was pregnant. As time went on I had to face it this baby was coming whether I was ready or not.
Before having the baby I had to take a moment and realize things are not always going to go as I once planned. I was not married and not in my “dream” home but I was about to bring a miracle into this world and I have to accept things for what they are. I took time to actually get some finances in order-not all but some. That worked out because being pregnant you step back from the bar and party scene. I knew that I would never be financially ready as I would want to be but I had to work with what I had and was determined no matter what I will make sure that my child would be good.
I was able to find a stable job. NO it wasn’t my dream job but it was able to help me get back on my feet. The one thing that meant the most to me was my newfound relationship with God. I went to church one day and I was so moved by the message that I not only joined a church but I got baptized while I was pregnant shortly after joining. I knew that my life needed a little guidance. I found joy in going to church and listening to the word. I finally saw things coming together which helped me focus on mentally preparing to have a child.
December 1, 2019 the day my life changed forever. I gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl Zhuri. I knew that all my experiences were worth it when I looked in her eyes. I was blessed. I did the one thing that I always dreamed of, I became a Mother. I was 30. I was not successful in the eyes of society’s standpoints. I did not live in that dream house nor was I someone’s wife. I was a Mother to my daughter. I knew I could never be prepared as I wanted to be but once you become a mother for the first time your life shifts into “Mommy mode”. No amount of books or finances or classes could prepare you. You will naturally have to learn as you go.
So did I have a baby I wasn’t prepared for? The answer is YES! Yes, I did. But I was blessed in so many ways. I’m still learning along the way with this journey. Watching not only my baby girl grow but seeing growth within myself.
Are we ever truly prepared for what life has to offer, anyway?
Mother of 6 month old daughter